Going Through A Tough Break Up

[Kayxero]

Hey guys. I just lost my friend of ten months. Best friend of seven months. And girlfriend of four months. I love this girl so much and it ending is ripping me up. I can barely function or pay attention in class right now. And I even have had to step out a couple times because like a baby I had to cry about it. So id leave so noone would see it.

I posted my story on a relationship forum under the tag Kaylan. If anyone could take out 10 to 15 minutes to read my posts, I could use some help. I am just trying to get as many viewpoints as possible and get on the right road of what to do. I know I write a lot in those posts, so skim if need be.

http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum...-make-work.html

Thank you

Btw I remember there being like a girlfriend advice thread or something like that a while ago that i swear I saw here, but I cannot find it. I know this is a baseball site but I figure why not get as much input as I can get so I can figure out what to do and how to manage this situation. Plus I have barely gotten replies on the other site and im active on this forum.

[Kccitystar]

Sorry I didn't pick this up sooner, but seriously man, over the past year you have lost a GF? That sucks....and I'm only saying this because I haven't read your thread yet on the other site.

Reading your first paragraph on your biblical post, the inability to get over an ex was the first indicator that it wasn't going to be worth the time invested. If you can't get over someone, how will you move forward? You can't use the new guy as your coping mechanism. That method never works out. Skimming through, it seems that there was a lot of conflict in your relationship with this woman. Conflicts are not good in relationships as you are looking for a partner in your life, not somebody to butt heads with and dispute with back and forth. To continue this subject forward, you do have to make sacrifices and compromises to be in any relationship. When those changes require that you bury and repress a fundamental part of who you are, then you can know that the relationship is wrong for you at that time. Every relationship I've had before the one I am in, I felt like I had to bury a part of who I was to be in it, and none of them worked. I have unquestionably had to make some compromises, but the reason I think that my current relationship is right for me right now is that I don't feel like I am repressing or holding back part of who I am. There is a difference between the two things.

As far as your relationship with this girl goes, she does not know what she is truly looking for, and it is not worth the effort trying to make things work if she is not willing to put in her 100% into this thing the way you sound like you are.

I tell myself I deserve better sometime, someone who will stay with me through thick and thin. I mean the stupid fights affect her so much more than me, but I don’t see what she sees at home. I just don’t wanna stay now and then have her leave me or our friendship just be destroyed.

This golden nugget right here says it all. Being stressed out leads to a lot of things, horrible things, like hair thinning/falling out, heart attacks, etc. You don't have to deal with this crap. I honestly suggest you maintain a friendship at best. Pay attention to how people treat you, and not just in the beginning, fun, chase part of the relationship. People are how they act; watch them and learn who they truly are.

See people for who they are, not who you want them to be.

See a relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.

This is a very difficult skill to learn, but until you learn this, you will probably never find someone who you are able to have a good relationship with. You must objectively evaluate your relationships and dispassionately decide what is best for you, or you will get used and burned.

Move on to someone else, and I guarantee you will be a better, smarter man for it. I might sound like a dutch uncle, but it's for the greater good.

-KC