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My Big Redneck Wedding


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I talked about this show a while back in the shoutbox to Maestro and some of the others, but after one of the episodes that I just saw recently, I actually could not believe what I saw.

This show is called My Big Redneck Wedding. Tom Arnold is the host. He's not actually at the weddings, which is probably a good thing for him. While the preparations for the wedding is going on and throughout the entire show, he just pops up on the TV screen and comments on the things the people have said. His comments are hilarious. What gets me is that these people are serious.

I actually stumbled across this show because I promised my wife I would watch a reality show that she likes called Gone Country. (If you can avoid that show, good for you. Hahaahahaa)

After that show was done this Redneck show comes on so there was nothing else on and I watched it. And now over a month later I haven't missed one show. It is just unbelievable what these people do that they think is normal. I have observed a few things that seem to carry over from show to show:

1. Rednecks seem to treat water like it is scarce because they look like they take showers twice a week.

2. Rednecks have never heard of shampoo.

3. Rednecks do not know what a dentist is.

4. Redneck women must have tattoos.

5. Redneck men must chew tobacco.

6. Redneck men mumble 99% of the time.

Now, here are some of the things that I have seen these people do:

..At the end of every episode, they feature the gift giving between the husband and wife. One soon-to-be wife looked for her gift for the groom in a dumpster. They called it "dumpster diving." They actually jump in the dumpster and look around for anything and everything that people throw away. And then they give these things as gifts. I was thinking that it must be difficult for these people during Christmas because anyone and everyone is jumping in the dumpsters for their Christmas shopping. The competition must be fierce.

..One woman got married in a hard hat and then announced that everyone was going to play "duck duck goose."

...One lady got her wedding dress at the Salvation Army. Didn't matter though because their wedding featured a lot of mud. Driving in mud, throwing it, running in it. You name it.

...One more thing about the mud. They wrote their wedding invitations in mud.

...One "wedding cake" was made with a bunch of Hostess Ho-Ho's piled on top of each other.

...The most disgusting thing I saw and also the thing that upset me the most was something that was served at one of the weddings. It was fried balls from a baby pig. I swear to God. This guy just snipped off the testicles of this pig and the little animal squealed in pain. This was the only time that I watched this show and I did not laugh at something that they did.

Now here's the kicker. You ready? Ok. This one couple worked on a horse farm and that is where they met. They wanted to get married there and since there was a lot of, well how can I say this? Since there was a lot of horse shit around, they wanted horse shit in their wedding. Where there's a will there's a way and that's even true for the idiots of the world because that's what they did. They went and grabbed all the horse shit they could find and they brought it in the house and dumped it on the table (yeah, the same table that dinner is served on) and you won't believe this. They got the hardest of the shits and they painted them red so they would look like roses and they placed these "roses" on each table that seated the guests. I swear to God and everything that's holy that I am not lying. My jaw was to the floor when I watched this. Finally, they made water balloons for after the reception. But these were special water balloons. Before they filled them up with water they (you guessed it) put a piece of horse shit in the balloon first and when the unsuspecting person would get hit with the balloon, they'd have a little bonus instead of just a wet shirt.

I can't make this stuff up. Tivo that show or just watch it. You'll see what I mean.

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